Well, it has been a while, not too long ago, since I've wrote an entry. In this one, I've decided to be a tad less creative and a bit more lazy by just quoting from a writer that I happen to come across recently. The web is indeed a vast resource that you can tap in for information, it contains the thoughts and imagination of many talented people who conveyed it to us through the windows of the virtual world. Many of them are newbies who just set out to explore the extent of their ability and showcase their ideas. Some are already at intermediate level of expertise such that their work deserves commends and encouragement. Others are wonderfully equipped with extensive knowledge and enticing content that just leave us in awe. For this one, I'll let you decide which category this writer belong to....
"The most excruciating type of loneliness is even though you are amongst close family and friends, you still feel a tremendously overwhelming sense of loneliness engulfing your mood. This is the kind of loneliness that does not happen to everyone, for this is the rare kind of delicate emotion that only happens to the best of us, the lucky ones. Some people call it the gift, while others who are less optimistic calls it more like a voo-doo type curse. The perspective varies between optimists and pessimists. I am one of the fortunate few who is still rather indecisive of whether I should be thankful or condemn this particular set of ambidextrousity. Now I understand why some people generally tend to say that pain is good, because it makes us feel that we're alive. I don't know if I agree completely with that view for even though I think it defines the fact that we are human, I feel that I'm dying gradually on the inside.
This state of comma, however, can be traced. It can be traced to how and why we let ourself fall into the situation I'm in right now. It all started with the pleasure of the 5 senses. The sense of touch, taste, feel, hear and see. Some even might say that their sixth sense is not being forgotten as well. In my opinion, my ultimate loneliness started when these 5, or 6, senses were deprived of its usual pleasure. A pleasure that intriques a drawback, or cold turkey. This messes around with my head a little bit, and most importantly, it screws up my emotions, almost completely.
I should not have started it. I should not have let myself fall to that state of vulnerability. I should not have taken off my guard and pursue my own happiness. It is rather selfish, when you say that you're pursuing your own happiness... Don't you think? All judgment aside, I think one of the ways to get through this mess and get rid of all these venomous emotions is to relive the pleasure of the 5, or 6, senses and then re-evaluate yourself by seeking a thorough systematic healing process of repention.
First sense is the sense of sight. The view of her face, just lying there next to me when I wake up gives me a sense of security, a belonging. A feeling that I actually have somebody there who cares. Even though she's still dreaming and it'll take more than arson to wake her up, it just made my morning that much more beautiful. A good day that seems hard to be ruined.
The second sense is the sense of smell. Her papaya mask that she apply delicately to her hair left a softly emitting fragrance as it permeates through the whole room. It is indeed the quiet time that she spends taking care of herself that leaves me wondering how it feels to actually go closer and inhale the full effect of the scent. As I come closer, there's another smell that emits from her. Ahhh... That surprisingly familiar sake smell that never seem to fade from her skin. Its like the sake smell is her sweat, radiantly diffusing into my nostrils. My smell senses was captivated, and fulfilled.
The third sense is the sense of touch. I can't help myself but to pull her closer to me. If they say that a picture paints a thousand words, then I'd say that a simple touch is worth more reassurance than a billion consolation. The fact that I have this living human being next to me, a person who actually recognizes my presence in this world, somebody who actually cares about my life and death, and also somebody who would actually protect me, is already a miracle. I must have done something right to deserve this. Neverthelss, her soft bouncy skin left a tingling chill into my palm. She is actually cold, even though she grunts as I disturbed her comfortable sleeping position.
The subsequent sense, is the sense of hearing. This sense is invoked by the grunt she gave. Her sleepy eyes lashed out, like a hungry crossed lionness when you steal her bloody meat in the middle of a feast. But when she set her sight on me, her entire facial expression changes. She smiled. Oh yes she does. The smile that actually melts any iceberg in the antartica. She took a glance at me, and appreciates my effort in pulling her into my embrace. She grazed her head onto my chest, trying to find another comfortable position before drifting back to dreamland.
I can't help but to speak, using the last visible sense to the human being. I hushed, and secured her in my embrace. I comforted her and reassured her that I was there before giving her hair another smell and her forehead another peck.
The simulataneous experience gave satisfaction to my last sense- the sixth sense. The sense that is fairly unnoticable to the naked human eye. The sense that many doubt its existence. The sense that made me crave it everytime we meet. The sense that made me ME. Almost like heroine, left me hooked onto it on the first try. And of course, the drawback that I'm currently experiencing in my state of cold turkey.
It went by as promptly as it came. But the memory will forever last in my brain. Though how many percent of it is used, I'll never have a chance to know it while being mortal.
Sadly though, this was probably the only time my satisfaction tank is filled. The rest of the experience was just not my language of love. Things are different when she's awake. My language of love, forfeited...
For now, I have relived the journey of the six senses. I think I'll be able to move on and decide what to do with my life. It's like recovering from addiction - Easier said than done."
Well, that's that... How many of you had experienced this before? Can you relate to this? I find it very intriguing and stimulating. Brings you back to the times that you could have experienced this, but did not have a chance to, didn't ya?
Alright, that's all for now. Hope you guys are still entertained by my useless rant. Peace out!
