GiGgLiNg At OtHeR's WoEs...

Now, plagiarizing has been fun, why don't we take a look at this poor soul's continuation of his story and share his grief for a second? 

Enjoy....

"When I see you smile - Bad English



(verse one)
Sometimes I wonder
How I'd ever make it through
Through this world
without having you
I just wouldn't have a clue 
Cause sometimes it seems
Like this world's closing in on me
And there's no way of breaking free
And then I see you reach out for me 
Sometimes I wanna give up
Wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
AND ONE LOOK AT YOU BABY 
can make everything all right
can make everything alright

(chorus)
When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining
right through the rain
When I see you smile
Baby when I see you smile at me 
Oh yeah 

(verse 2)
Baby there's nothing in this world that could ever do
What the touch of your hand can do
It's like nothing that I ever knew
ooooohhhh 
And when the rain is falling
I don't feel it
Cause you're here with me
AND ONE LOOK AT YOU BABY
It's all I'll ever need
All I'll ever need 

When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know I can do anything
When I see you smile
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining
right through the rain
When I see you smile
Baby when I see you smile at me 

(bridge)
Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in
I wanna quit the fight
Then one look at you baby
can make everything alright
can make everything alright
It's alright 

(chorus)
When I see you smile
I can face the world
Oh you know I can do anything (that i can do anything)
When I see you smile (when i see you smile)
I see a ray of light
Oh I see it shining
right through the rain (baby when i see you smile)
Yeah
When I see you smile
Yeah I can face the world (everyday)
Oh you know I can do anything (everyday)
When I see you smile
Oh yeah
Baby when I see you smile at me 
when i see you smile.. baby when i see you smile..
aaaattt me.. 

I'll be over you - TOTO

Some people live their dreams 
Some people close their eyes
Some people's destiny
Passes by

There are no guarantees
There are no alibis
That's how our love must be
Don't ask why

Bridge:
It takes some time
God knows how long
I know that I can forget you

As soon as my heart stops breakin'
Anticipating
As soon as forever is through
I'll be over you

Remembering times gone by
Promises we once made
What are the reasons why
Nothing stays the same

Bridge:
There were the nights holding you close
Someday I'll try to forget them
Someday I'll be over you

I don't even know where to begin writing this. It is official, we have to part ways. The ring that once meant so much to me had to be retired. Not because it had made an unforgivable mistake, but because it had served me so well, kept me out of trouble - protected me, gave me so much strength, even saved my finger on several occasions. It had always been my guardian angel, the protector that kept me safe and loyal to its owner. A memento, if you will, of a wonderful friendship, dependency, connection, emotional reliance, companionship and love symbol. A talisman that I kissed everytime trouble caught up with me, a reassurance that I have to believe that I'll be alright, a reminder for me to have faith within myself and suceed. It was my pillar of support and I pinned my life onto it. 

As I gave the loyal buddy a long hard stare, I can't help but to feel lost. For the first time in a long time, I've been given another blow to recover from. A blow that probably has enough magnitude to explode myself from the within. It all begins at the heart, and when it makes its way into your major organs, you're doomed. Illness will come repetitiously, problems will be overwhelming, and it is just a matter of seconds before the body overloads and attempt to protect itself through mental breakdown. I stared blankly at the cold piece of metal, such a burden to just let it go, I can't bear to leave it. 

Eventually I closed my eyes, give the bond symbol a last kiss, and threw it out as far as I could. The wind will take it, the ocean waves will bring it, to its last destination. I did it all with a heap load of regret. A burden that I know I can't handle by myself. But no matter what, life goes on. 

It is the end. Might be the mark of a new beginning, but I'll grief for now. My heart is dead, feelings numb, body lifeless, mind helpless, vision listless. 

I could have kept the ring as a keepsake. It can remind me of the times that I experience the best of my life. The golden years that had passed me by. There was no more us, all that remains is just me. 

You did ask me, as a last attempt of saving our relationship, "what is it that you need from me?". Many answers came up to my mind, but it all spiralled to just one word - support.

Yes, I needed your support. It's not that I've waited too long for you to get better. I did, at times, wish that you were stronger than me. Protect me the way the ring protected me. Give my heart a sense of belonging, and security. Yes, the age reversal process do happen. You know this fact more than anybody else, and you didn't know. The answer is actually really simple. For all the time that we've been together, all I needed was just your support. Yet sometimes when we talk about this, all I hear was "I don't know how to" or " that is just not me, how do you expect me to be somebody I'm not."

I've never been angry at you. Nor have I ever blamed you for everything that went wrong. I've always said it was more of disappointment than rage. Reciprocation is a major thing in this connection. I wanted to have you protect me the way I've protected you. 

I'm not saying that I don't make mistakes in the relationship. I do. Perhaps I just can't see beyond the fact that you're trying. Maybe my standard was too high. What if I was the one who was oblivious to the fact that you actually put in effort to this relationship? I'm sorry. It's all I can say. I've expected too much from you.

I've brought this upon myself. Undoubtedly. I did. I've played a major part in the destruction of this production. I am the ultimate destroyer of what could have been the best relationship I could ever have. I shouldn't have started this relationship. The pain is just too much for me to handle.

With this, I shall end this final entry. Another teardrop, another heavy heartbeat. I might get over this, but we shall see. For now, I grief... Good bye ring."

PlAgIaRiZiNg At It'S bEsT...

Well, it has been a while, not too long ago, since I've wrote an entry. In this one, I've decided to be a tad less creative and a bit more lazy by just quoting from a writer that I happen to come across recently. The web is indeed a vast resource that you can tap in for information, it contains the thoughts and imagination of many talented people who conveyed it to us through the windows of the virtual world. Many of them are newbies who just set out to explore the extent of their ability and showcase their ideas. Some are already at intermediate level of expertise such that their work deserves commends and encouragement. Others are wonderfully equipped with extensive knowledge and enticing content that just leave us in awe. For this one, I'll let you decide which category this writer belong to....

"The most excruciating type of loneliness is even though you are amongst close family and friends, you still feel a tremendously overwhelming sense of loneliness engulfing your mood. This is the kind of loneliness that does not happen to everyone, for this is the rare kind of delicate emotion that only happens to the best of us, the lucky ones. Some people call it the gift, while others who are less optimistic calls it more like a voo-doo type curse. The perspective varies between optimists and pessimists. I am one of the fortunate few who is still rather indecisive of whether I should be thankful or condemn this particular set of ambidextrousity. Now I understand why some people generally tend to say that pain is good, because it makes us feel that we're alive. I don't know if I agree completely with that view for even though I think it defines the fact that we are human, I feel that I'm dying gradually on the inside. 

This state of comma, however, can be traced. It can be traced to how and why we let ourself fall into the situation I'm in right now. It all started with the pleasure of the 5 senses. The sense of touch, taste, feel, hear and see. Some even might say that their sixth sense is not being forgotten as well. In my opinion, my ultimate loneliness started when these 5, or 6, senses were deprived of its usual pleasure. A pleasure that intriques a drawback, or cold turkey. This messes around with my head a little bit, and most importantly, it screws up my emotions, almost completely.

I should not have started it. I should not have let myself fall to that state of vulnerability. I should not have taken off my guard and pursue my own happiness. It is rather selfish, when you say that you're pursuing your own happiness... Don't you think? All judgment aside, I think one of the ways to get through this mess and get rid of all these venomous emotions is to relive the pleasure of the 5, or 6, senses and then re-evaluate yourself by seeking a thorough systematic healing process of repention.  

First sense is the sense of sight. The view of her face, just lying there next to me when I wake up gives me a sense of security, a belonging. A feeling that I actually have somebody there who cares. Even though she's still dreaming and it'll take more than arson to wake her up, it just made my morning that much more beautiful. A good day that seems hard to be ruined.

The second sense is the sense of smell. Her papaya mask that she apply delicately to her hair left a softly emitting fragrance as it permeates through the whole room. It is indeed the quiet time that she spends taking care of herself that leaves me wondering how it feels to actually go closer and inhale the full effect of the scent. As I come closer, there's another smell that emits from her. Ahhh... That surprisingly familiar sake smell that never seem to fade from her skin. Its like the sake smell is her sweat, radiantly diffusing into my nostrils. My smell senses was captivated, and fulfilled.

The third sense is the sense of touch. I can't help myself but to pull her closer to me. If they say that a picture paints a thousand words, then I'd say that a simple touch is worth more reassurance than a billion consolation. The fact that I have this living human being next to me, a person who actually recognizes my presence in this world, somebody who actually cares about my life and death, and also somebody who would actually protect me, is already a miracle. I must have done something right to deserve this. Neverthelss, her soft bouncy skin left a tingling chill into my palm. She is actually cold, even though she grunts as I disturbed her comfortable sleeping position.

The subsequent sense, is the sense of hearing. This sense is invoked by the grunt she gave. Her sleepy eyes lashed out, like a hungry crossed lionness when you steal her bloody meat in the middle of a feast. But when she set her sight on me, her entire facial expression changes. She smiled. Oh yes she does. The smile that actually melts any iceberg in the antartica. She took a glance at me, and appreciates my effort in pulling her into my embrace. She grazed her head onto my chest, trying to find another comfortable position before drifting back to dreamland.

I can't help but to speak, using the last visible sense to the human being. I hushed, and secured her in my embrace. I comforted her and reassured her that I was there before giving her hair another smell and her forehead another peck. 

The simulataneous experience gave satisfaction to my last sense- the sixth sense. The sense that is fairly unnoticable to the naked human eye. The sense that many doubt its existence. The sense that made me crave it everytime we meet. The sense that made me ME. Almost like heroine, left me hooked onto it on the first try. And of course, the drawback that I'm currently experiencing in my state of cold turkey.

It went by as promptly as it came. But the memory will forever last in my brain. Though how many percent of it is used, I'll never have a chance to know it while being mortal. 

Sadly though, this was probably the only time my satisfaction tank is filled. The rest of the experience was just not my language of love. Things are different when she's awake. My language of love, forfeited...

For now, I have relived the journey of the six senses. I think I'll be able to move on and decide what to do with my life. It's like recovering from addiction - Easier said than done."

Well, that's that... How many of you had experienced this before? Can you relate to this? I find it very intriguing and stimulating. Brings you back to the times that you could have experienced this, but did not have a chance to, didn't ya? 

Alright, that's all for now. Hope you guys are still entertained by my useless rant. Peace out!

We AtE, wE dRaNk, We LaUgHeD, wE VoMiT...

It's been a long while since I've even wrote anything in this blog. If shua would have seen this, he'd say something about the blog being filled with atoms... which technically ain't really true... hahaha...

So what have I been doing so far that I've neglected my dear virtual mental vomit container? I've been at work from 0800-1700 everyday, which means I have to wake up around 0600 in the morning to get ready and be at the office by 0730. Then come home at an average of 0530 minimum, or maybe up to 0630 on thursdays trying to keep up with meeting materials. I come home afterwards, eat, then proceed to head out and play tennis. Sometimes tennis, sometimes just PS3, sometimes just out with parents or friends. I keep my schedule as tight as possible so my mind doesn't wander off to places that I don't want it to head to. I play tennis to ensure that I get to slp better at night, no need for all the unscrupulous mambo jumbo, I just fall into a deep sleep the moment my head touches the pillow. 

But anyways, I've been lucky so far. In the last 5-6 months, I've made new buddies, new friends who shares similar if not relatively close background as me. And together, we created a weekly A.A meeting session in which non frequent fliers are welcome to join us anytime during the session and have non-stop laughters with the gang. We were, however, never failed to be joined by everybody's best vice - Alcohol. 

The weekly A.A meeting wasn't really started until a couple of months ago I guess. This has been the time where I had exploited (trained) my liver to its full potential. During this session, we could have as much jokes/insults/gossips/ serious conversations/ aimless conversation thrown around. And most of the time all of it led to only one ending - a laugh and big gulp of whatever our poison was. On certain weeks, it will be filled with other activities including karaoke, pool, formal dinner, matchmaking session or poker. Hahaha... but we were always accompanied by alcohol.

To a certain extent, alcohol is indeed a really good ice breaker. This is where we calm ourself down and start to be chill before we carry on with the conversation. With alcohol, we can be more at ease (read: Zen) with our surroundings and our peers and will proceed to pour our hearts out. Had a bad week at work? Had a bad break-up? Have complaints regarding the non-existent working ethics in your particular company/ country? Or when you simply need ideas for a brand? I will recommend you to join the club. It really doesn't take that much to begin with. Yes the alcohol will burn a hole in your freaking wallet, or it will make you vomit and completely have a blackout, or simply making out with one of your first cousins? It's all fair and square in love and war, oops, i need to correct that.... the right one should be, it's all fair and square within the weekly A.A meeting session. No judgement, plenty of consolation and weird smirks, but hey, we do what we can to stay sane in this world, don't we? You get more to earn than lose... as the weekly A.A meeting has always given me an enjoyable time...

But what happens after the A.A meeting? Sometimes the silence of the mind is like a electric generator. Once you lose the disturbance in the electromagnetic field, you lose the electricity, and the magnet will only point in one direction. And often, this direction will lead you to places that you don't wanna be in the first place.... hahaha... exactly why the A.A session is good for... it is good for the distraction of the mind. hehehe... I look at this article and the more I am disgusted by it. I have never wrote so badly in my life before. I think I'm losing my touch, or maybe I should write down my thoughts immediately to ensure that I don't lose the original touch that came with it. Will I change my writing habit in order to obtain a better penmanship etiquette? I don't know...

I am not ready to disclose anymore information... but i will... as my life puzzle falls into place... you will realize what is going on.... but for now... let's just distract ourself in the laughter of the A.A members...

CuRiOuS gEoRgE - cUrIoSiTy KiLlEd ThE cAt, ThE mOnKeY iS nExT....

Here i am, back again at my rant wall if you will, recording the recent events that has actually occurred in my life. I promised a friend, well not exactly a new friend, just a recently turned good buddy that I will update this blog. Apparently she's a fan of my writing, and so due to popular(ummm... not really) demand, here I am back at the wall that has been neglected for quite some time. 

Events has occurred since my last post, I don't know where to start but working life started to hit reality when I went to Surabaya to attend a friend's wedding. It was the first time that my group of buddies and I actually went out together, and I, being the usual "whatever comes, will come", didn't know what to expect. My assurance was in the fact that I'm actually going to a very unfamiliar territory with people that I know. I guess there's really no expectations there. So here goes the narration of the experience from then, and hopefully till now...

So the wedding was amazing, with anecdotes of the bride and groom's childhood, courting period and up to their mentors (parents, etc) who sculpted them to the person that they had become. The wedding was indeed, as I've told clarizza, filled with "Aww, Ouww, and Eeewwww!!" haha... I guess it is the normal reaction in every wedding. Everything from the most heart-moving to the relatively barfing information was disclosed. The bride and groom were, I guess, perfect for each other. This made me to think that there is no such thing as the perfect couple in this world. The "perfect" couple is determined and judged by the people around them. To the by-standers, the couple might just be perfect for each other, but I believe that behind the curtains, it actually took a lot of effort and giving in to produce such a dynamic personality. The challenge is to actually make the ppl you care about as perfect as they can be by supporting and accommodating them. It takes a really wide generosity and tons of patience to be able to relent to your partner and make the best out of the worst situation. 

Consolation for me, which is kinda heart-warming, was the fact that I was able to meet people that I wouldn't meet on a daily/weekly basis. We used to spend time together back in college, but truthfully working life and college life are parallel to each other. Every now and then, if we are lucky, we'll find an intersection point and actually meet. This was one of those points. To me, my life priority has always been family, friends, career, health then money. Family comes first as always, no matter what you do, albeit the dumbest mistake of your life, your family will always be there to support you. They will be the first people to prevent you from making a fool out of yourself. Let's face it, friends come and goes, relationships arrives and departs, but family stays closely knitted. They are the people who will actually accept you unconditionally, without regrets. Maybe they will complain and whine every now and then, but ask yourself this "do you deserve it?". More often than not, you actually owe it to yourself that you're a dumbass and that friends might get disappointed and leave ya, but family stays with you no matter what. The "related-by-blood" theory is partially true in this case. Although I think there are still a lot of boundaries to be tested, but for this instance it is true, family will always be there when others desert you. Unless you have a crappy family, then it is a whole different issue, serve you right for having a sucky family! hahaha...

Oh... and by the way, during the wedding I had actually realized that make up can backfire as well. You can put on as much make up as you want, sometimes making yourself more hideous than when you started. A message for all the people who wear make up, you can never go wrong with just a touch-up. Any more than that, and you'll look even worse than a chimpanzee. hahaha... thought it'll be funny to share this with my audience. 

So right after family, comes friends. Friends to me are very important. As we all probably had known, I spent most of my life away from my family. Perhaps the time I've spent outside is more than half of my life. Not that my family doesn't give a crap about me, just that I finally understood  (after recent events), that the sacrifices they have made is actually worthwhile. I became what i am today, entirely owed to my family and friends. Now for the 14 years away from the family, my friends has replaced my family's position to fill my void. Although it may seem that my loyalty is divided, my stupid dumbass chinese education disallowed me to put friends before family. Not that I'm not grateful for what my friends had done for me, I am sincerely thankful for my friends who had accompanied me through difficult and lonely times. So, coming back to the main topic, I had cherished the time I've spent with my friends throughout the short trip. The party was excellent, but the companion was even more brilliant. 

It is true that you can't have a party alone. That just proves how much a loser/loner you are, simply pathetic. In this instance, I wasn't alone at all. I had some of my best buddies with me. The beginning was kinda slow and quiet, but alcohol served it purpose and the atmosphere loosen up a bit. It was then I was introduced to the world of night life, where intoxication and sex goes hand-in-hand. It was a real eye opener for me. First of all, the nightclubs were more laid back than those we usually visit. The server were more friendly, and atmosphere was really cool. The girls were actually extremely aggressive. I mean, I'm not discrediting them, nor am I demeaning them because of their opinion. I actually respected them for the measures they will actually go in order to survive in this cruel world. Working life has enlightened me of how much effort and energy my parents had to put out just to put me through school. Thanks mom and pops! In a nutshell, working life sucks, it'll suck even more when you have minimum wage and trying not to give up any of the high expenditure lifestyle that you used to lead. The girls were actually coming on to you, be it local, Thai, Chinese, etc. They speak barely comprehendible broken english, but you can't really blame them. The fact that they chose their line of occupation proves that the level of education they had receive was at a minimum. I don't blame them for their barely passing communication skill, it is their spirit that actually earned my respect. They had to like their customers, be it wily old fox or an inexperienced virgin. They have to come up with 1001 methods to get close to their customers for that little extra pay that may or may not lurk at the end of the day. Their patience and work ethics are commendable. 

Aside from the alcohol and the girls, the party was great. We had plenty of fun, alcohol is a wonderful ice breaker that can actually loosen up the atmosphere and let you get to know your company better than when you were sober. For that, I raise a glass to the married couple, wishing you all the best in your marriage, have the duration of an old sequoia tree and as harmonious as the leafs in fall. It is a new life, where two souls actually become one, and there will be a lot of accommodating to do. Good luck and all the best. For those of you getting married, the same message goes to you. For those of you who have been single for more than 3 years, look at yourself in the mirror, THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!!! hahaha... 

Right now as I'm writing this, I have already experienced a totally different situation from the one in SBY. For more updates, you gotta stay curious, let's grab an arsenal of weapon and kill that bloody monkey....