So it's 2:10 AM in the morning, and why I am still up? Perhaps its because I slept at 2 plus last night, woke up at 10:30 am and then went back to sleep at 3:00 till about 6:00ish. Its been a recess that I needed so much. I guess the past 8 weeks has been crazy. I gotta get used to taking 20 units of class. I'm still trying to catch up, but a break from chasing the endless wisdom is indeed what I need so far. I'm lucky cos I got it, some people aren't so lucky to get it. I'm grateful.
So prior to writing this blog, I was looking aimlessly at website, mostly news and my "toys". I cam across the news about Siegfried & Roy doing a charity, one night only performance. Then it led me to think about those albino/siberian tigers that I had always been fascinated by. Was wondering how come those animals that live in cold climates always has white colored furs. Polar bears, siberian tigers, siberian husky, even owls has white feathers. Since apparently tigers and all these wild beasts are considered inauspicious for my "feng shui" because of their vicious reputation as predators, I was looking for some "calmer" animals to set as my wallpaper.
I decided to search upon cows because of my chinese zodiac. Well, to be honest, googling "cows" doesn't yield the best results you can get. Most of the cows are just bred cows, some are just cartoons, and most of them has images that shows their testicles. Yes, they're indeed large!!! So I decided that my spirit was more fearsome than that. So I typed in "Bulls" instead of cows, but again, it was in vain. Nothing that was special, nothing attracted me so far. Nothing that really represent my nature and instinct. Perhaps bisons will be nice, but let's just forgo that thought for now.
Recalled on my previous entry, I meant to write something about "Importance me, ME ME ME!!!" Now, why would I say something like that? I feel that there are certain things that needs to be reciprocated in life. I honestly believed that I live my life according to my conscience. I feel liberated and carefree. If I have to die tomorrow, I will leave without regrets. I believe I don't owe anybody anything. In my life, I believe I treated people the best way I could. I've optimized my behavior according to theirs. If somebody treat me like crap, I won't be ruthless and do the same thing. I simply walk away and will try to avoid the person in the future. I rarely change my opinion about a person. I can't do that easily. I don't like being put in situations of awkwardness. I don't bullshit too well.
Friends had told me that hate is written all over my face whenever I see someone I don't like. That expression gets worse if I had to pretend to strike up conversations, etc. I don't function very well in awkward situation. I can give a presentation anytime of the day without hesitation, but I just don't thrive well under such pressured situation. Simply put, I'm a bad liar. Well, the reason why I'm talking about this is because I believe I deserve better than most of the people out there treat me. Yes I have certain regrets in my life that I'm not particularly proud of. We're all humans, we make mistakes in our life. I'm neither superior nor inferior than the next person. I believe that there's a certain level of courtesy and respect you have to show to others during interaction. Basically, you reap what you sow, period.
In a relationship, it does take two hands to clap. It takes one to slap. If there is only a hand in the relationship, it becomes a slap rather than a clap. Unfortunately, its more of a self-slap rather than a slap to the opposite partner. What makes things worse, its a slap from yourself for yourself. If you get what I mean... Talking about relationships, I believe there are 3 stages that you have to go through. It doesn't come one after another, it may permute between the 3 stages or may happen randomly.
First of all, there is this stage that I'd like to call the "honeymoon" period. This is where eyes are blind and ears are deaf. The rest of the world doesn't matter anymore for there's only the opposite person that you see. In your eyes, there are only you and the partner. This is when the both of you can't stand not being near each other, even in a mile radius. This is probably the sweetest part of the relationship, basically because you don't know shit about the other party.
The second stage is what I call the "getting used to each other" stage. This is when you get to learn and understand each other's habits. The habits may be good or bad, but this is basically the stage where you familiarize yourself with the other party. Be it food, music, clothes, etc. You may find some interesting things that you've never encountered your entire life, which is the sole excitement in the stage. It spices things up.
The last and most important stage is what I describe as the "putting up with each other". This stage usually comes after you get to know your partner. Knowing and putting up are two different things. When you first learn about the other party, you may not accept it. You can accept it momentarily because it hasn't affected your life. Not yet, at least. When things starts to get serious, the relationship is no longer as sweet as it used to be. And once reality struck, suddenly the rest of the world exists again. You're no longer blind nor deaf. There are only two choices, compromise or stop putting up with each other.
The last stage I described is the hardest to overcome. It is the last 2 rounds of the 12-rounds boxing match. You either make it or break it. I'd suggest sitting down calmly and talk it through with your partner, but there are indeed stubborn couples out there. In a relationship, you have to put down your ego. Sometimes, even put down your everything. But let me warn you, when you first set out on a journey with your partner, you have to understand the fact that you're actually putting yourself out there, vulnerably. There's a chance you will get hurt, sometimes seriously wounded. But if you think that its worth it, then go for it. If you're the type of person who can't get over hurting, then I suggest you take a second look at the chances of the relationship working. Or rather, before you leap to the "honeymoon" stage, I suggest you get to the "getting used" and "putting up" stage first. It will save you a lot of time and hurting. At least your feelings will be protected.
I just thought that if you think of a relationship in my perception, its actually a systematic process. Or it can just be that my perception is a very funny metaphor!!
Nah, I think its because I'm a process engineer, so I'm trying to see the process, just to make sure my plant doesn't blow up...
Time out = 2:49 AM
